Top 5 things about being a dog owner

 
 
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1. You're always accessorized

You’re walking downtown. Wearing your ex boyfriends BBQ sauce stained sweatpants and an old band t-shirt from your Dad that gives off the impression your apartment has a bad moth problem. You don’t want anyone to look at you. No wants to look at you anyways. But there, dangling off of your right wrist is a leash, and attached to that leash, the cutest dog in town. To any passerby, you are officially hot shit.


2. Everyone wants your car

You drive a 2005 Mazda 3. It’s not cool. And what makes it worse is whenever you honk the horn, it sounds eerily like a fairy passing gas. The hand-me-down from your brother is not as show stopping as you’d like it to be. But, it’s a nice day out, you’ve got the windows rolled down, on your way to the park, and your pup is hanging out the passenger side window. Your seats are covered with dog hair, mirroring plush seat covers from the 90s. But everyone stares, smiles, and points at your car and its precious cargo.

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3. You're in...okay physical shape

Your young, energetic pup makes you curse more than you should when he doesn’t get enough exercise for the day. So, you cancel your gym membership and make a trip to the running trails. Your dog puts you through a three-mile interval training session. You’re either sprinting after the dog who has found an enticing squirrel or hunched over, hands on knees, breathing heavily and wishing your dog would sniff that tree for just a little bit longer. Other joggers pompously jog past. You look at them with a blotchy red face and half-heartedly convince them that you would be running if it weren’t for your spacey dog.


4. You become an early riser

It’s 7am on a Saturday and you feel a cold, wet doggy nose on your face. You turn over, pull the covers over your head and hope for another hour of sleep. Your dog jumps onto the floor and begins whimpering and scratching at the door. You spring out of bed knowing their bladder is a ticking time bomb. Without time to even put on your glasses, you blindly rush outside with the dog. Your bare feet cringe with your first step on the porch. Your day has begun, and you never even had to set an alarm.


5. You have a furrever best friend

Unlike most friends, your dog has probably tried to hump you or eat a pair of underwear, but you know your little buddy is there to stay. Your pup is the reason your friends think you’re cool, he’s the reason you get so many numbers at outdoor bars and breweries, he’s the reason you get homesick on a weekend away. Dogs are too good for us and I don’t know what we did to deserve them.