The time i changed my mind...
“SWIM TO SHORE!” I scream as I find myself, and six bachelors, pin balling through the frigid Arkansas River. A wave crashes into my face, my butt crashes into a rock, I frantically blow my whistle. Whoops.
30 seconds earlier I was perched on the back of a faded yellow raft with the words “wild side” ironically written on both sides. The raft was a vessel for six “Beer me Bro-Don’t Tell my Girlfriend-Crossfit later?” dudes adventuring in Colorado for a Bachelor party. And me? In fact, I was guiding the boat. Our weighted down raft was quickly approaching the next rapid, Big Drop. Guides are warned to avoid Big Drop; the drop is just too big. So, I routinely planned to steer left of Big Drop.
Before the rapid I point out a dead, barren tree on the side of the river. “Do y’all see that tree? The cool thing about it is it’s not really dead. It’s called a Silent Dogwood tree.” I ramble on about how amazing and rare it is. The bachelors look in awe. “Do you know why it’s called a Silent Dogwood?” They’re stumped. “Because there’s no bark!” Ha, classic joke. The Bachelors looked foolish.
Anyways, Big Drop was just over the horizon. The raft set perfectly to drive left, then, spontaneously, I changed my mind. “RIGHT SIDE PADDLE BACKWARDS, LEFT SIDE FORWARD,” I huskily commanded my crew. The bow whipped to the right, and we were headed straight for Big Drop.